Her Family Hate Me

Strange weekend I had. As I suspected - there was no meeting on Sunday with pir and relatives, as that would be too good to be true. Instead the Pir came on Fri. Didnt know what he chatted about but apparantly he's planning to take over from the father and conduct the ceremony himself. K's mum is insisting on this as she know that most of the family are going to be off to Pakistan in a few weeks time, which would leave K alone and free to run off with me.Anyway I dont want to buy into anything at this stage, had enough knock backs and crushed hopes in this ride already. Want to hear it from the horses mounth with times and dates of when and where I should turn up for my big day. Anyway, really strange thing happened, I went off K over the weekend and embarked on efforts to fined another wife! what the fuck is all that about!!??

Strange weekend I had. As I suspected - there was no meeting on Sunday with pir and relatives, as that would be too good to be true. Instead the Pir came on Fri. Didnt know what he chatted about but apparantly he's planning to take over from the father and conduct the ceremony himself. K's mum is insisting on this as she know that most of the family are going to be off to Pakistan in a few weeks time, which would leave K alone and free to run off with me.Anyway I dont want to buy into anything at this stage, had enough knock backs and crushed hopes in this ride already. Want to hear it from the horses mounth with times and dates of when and where I should turn up for my big day. Anyway, really strange thing happened, I went off K over the weekend and embarked on efforts to fined another wife! what the fuck is all that about!!??

Big day on Sunday, as ‘pir’ and misc relatives are to come down and sort this out. Hoping for them to take over from the father as there really isn’t any point waiting for him to have a change of heart. Looking good as this whole operation is being spearheaded by K’s mum, so the whole thing now has some added weight behind it rather than what it has been up until now which to them is 2 lovesick crazy kids causing a scene. This meeting is what ive been waiting for all week and it could be the turning point ive been praying for. This could be IT!!!! Well guess what, just found out at lunchtime, the meetings been cancelled. Yeah, that’s right, cancelled. Something about maybe coming down next Friday but not sure blah blah blah. It just goes fucking on and on. Why cant people stick to their word these days and actually come down when they’ve promised. Had a go at K and slammed the phone down I was so frustrated. She hasn’t contacted me since. Im really sick of all this bullshit.

Have been having rows with K. Situation really getting to us. feel completely drained and rather shit. Will call her today at around 5:30 ish and try smooth things out. Her dads spiritual leader should be comming on Sunday, trying to sort this mess out. I know what you're thinking, been there done it, but its different this time as he will be here on the request of K's mum, who thinks this should be sorted 1 way or another. Lets see what happens. On a lighter note, im looking forward to this week's instalment of the 'Apprentice'. should keep my mind off things for a while.

Have been having rows with K. Situation really getting to us. feel completely drained and rather shit. Will call her today at around 5:30 ish and try smooth things out. Her dads spiritual leader should be comming on Sunday, trying to sort this mess out. I know what you're thinking, been there done it, but its different this time as he will be here on the request of K's mum, who thinks this should be sorted 1 way or another. Lets see what happens. On a lighter note, im looking forward to this week's instalment of the 'Apprentice'. should keep my mind off things for a while.

Little bit of progress (I think) over the weekend. Her old man had a chat with her, and told her that he had a word with his brother over in pakistan who asked whether or not K was going to be comming over to be wed, to which he replied he hasnt been able to get her to go. His brother advised him to get rid of K and nevr let her back in the house again..blah blah blah. For me to consider that to be a step in the right direction, should be an indication of how dire this whole situation has been.

I know what it must seem like, reading these posts - that I must be a racist of sorts using disparaging terminology such as 'paki'. Well, technically I am what could be described as a 'paki' myself (goodness knows ive been called it many a time by the great British public!). This is what makes the situation so absurd. I am the same colour as them, my parents come from the same land as them, eat the same food, speak the same language etc but yet im still not good enough for their daugter because my parents happen to come from a different area in Pakistan from them. We are from the city whilst they are from the village. For that reason, to them, I am pure scum. I think there is a difference between being 'pakistani' and being a 'paki' When I say 'paki' im referring to the backward ignorant racist practises that unfortunately a lot of people from that region indulge in.

I really hate that man - her dad. He was on the phone yesterday to one of his relatives telling her that there is now way he would allow this to happen. Ugly man. Told K what I thought of him - which was worse than a pig because at least pigs are pigs because they are created to be so. This ignorant man wallows in the shit of his backward paki culture. Spent a while thinking up different ways of how id like to attack him, and then fell asleep.

In case you are wondering - I have tried all the obvious methods of getting this done. First thing I did was send my mum round to have a work with her parents. My mum got told that I'd be beaten up if I persisted etc etc, which understandably shook her up a bit. Ive tried meeting her brother in order for him to get me in to the parents but all I got was a load of 'im going to find you and kill you you muthaf***er and kill your family etc etc'. The idiot claimed he was in some gang who were not averse to dealing with such slurs on their 'honour'. Interestingly he ended the phone call by saying he was on his way home to give his sister a beating.
Another tack I used was to have a work with K's dad's spiritual leader (pir). I gate-crashed one of the pir's spiritual gigs he was hosting in some paki household, laid down a 20 note and presented my case. I thought maybe he could arbitrate with K's dad, myself and the pir in the same room. He didnt much like that idea, i suppose because it was venturing outside his comfort zone somewhat. He was pretty unhelpful and after suggesting that I should leave town and run away with her he promised he'd have *sigh* another word.
After the pir hinting to K's dad that his daughter running away might be on the cards (yeah because you suggested it!) if he didnt give in, K's old man then took the liberty of booking K a ticket to Pakistan and told her she's going. After much hullaballo involving K running away twice from her home and staying at a mates house for a few nights, they abandoned the whole 'force-her-to-go-to-pakistan' thing and here we are again.

I proposed to K back in November 2003 when I worked in a call centre. She accepted to marry me but she told me that there was absolutely no way her family would agree to it and allow it to happen. There is no other reason for her family's refusal except that thay are the one of the most jahil (arabic for 'backward/ignorant') paki families you could ever have the displeasure of comming across. You see, before I came along the family already had plans for poor K, which was whether or not she liked it, K would be getting married to one of her village dwelling paki cousins who had been booked to marry her probably around the time of her birth. Obviously my intention to marry K would seriously sour family relations and would scupper someones efforts to gain a British passport.

Rather naively I did not see this as any kind of hinderence and took it in the spirit of a challenge. A few days ago I reflected upon the amount of shit im having to go through on a daily basis in order to pull this off and thought perhaps I should share these experiences with the world.

This blog is the continuing account of that struggle which I embarked on 3 and a half years ago. to the present day. Enjoy!

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